My Escape
by Hungary-chan
Summary: The memories of the past are hurting Germany. He can't sleep at night, his life is haunted by the faces, the blood, the memories. Will Prussia and Italy be able to help him? Or will they be to late? Rated M for violence later.  GerIta later
1. Cold blood

Blood. So much blood on my hands, my face. So cold so red. Their faces, I can see them, hear them, smell them. The metallic smell, the smell of death. The field, it never leaves me, even now as I lay in my bed. I feel myself being swallowed by it. The memories, I wish they would just leave!

Ludwig got up slowly walking over to the bathroom gasping for breath. This happened every night now. It always starts with blood. He clutches the toilet throwing up. Tears fell from his eyes. He sat on his knees silently crying. Gilbert worried, he noticed Ludwig's sudden weight loss, how he seemed uninterested in everything. Everyday it was the same, head to the bathroom, get sick, dressed, go run. This was now Ludwig's life.

I can't let him know, let him know how bad it hurts. He tries to help, but nothing can help. Not the awesome Prussia, not the silly Italien. They tried, but they can't help. I can't even go to town without getting glares.

The first meting was hell, Poland, gott Poland… Feliks his cold eyes, they never left mine. The black eye, wounds, and swollen face. How could things go… so wrong? I wanted to help! My people where starving, thousands sick, than a man came to us. An Austrian man, who spoke of making Germany, mein Deutschland better. Now he is dead, he left me with the carnage, the hate.

Russians, Polish, Jews, Americans, Japanese, Italians… Italy, Japan my allies! Mein… Nein, they just wanted to expand, to be victorious.

Feliciano… he came to me, told me he wished this never happened. Kiku blamed me, told me I did something horrible. Killed innocent people. My one reponse was Pearl Harbor. His black eyes showed hate, as if I am the one who sent the Americans after his people.

Funny how this happens. World wars… funny how everyone always leaves just at the end, so they can blame someone else.

Syria… Austria-Hungary…. Russia… Italy… Japan… mein leader.

Always leaving just before the end.

Bruder tries to help, always there with me, never leaving. Never leaving….

Ludwig got up standing to take a long hot shower. He felt dead inside, felt cold, and empty.

"Bruder… we need to stop this, let me help you."

Ludwig laughed dryly.

"Gilbert… I'm sorry… it really is my fault. Everything."

Gilbert slammed his hand on the counter.

"Gottverdammt Ludwig! I am tired of this, everyday I hear you getting sick, blaimming yourself. You, Feliciano, Kiku, und ich are going to work this out. Scream it out if we need."

The shower stopped Ludwig stepped out with a towel around his waist. There was red lines and scars everywhere.

His back from the lashes for aidding the enemy. Fresh red lines from Ludwig's many attempts and many others from the years gone by.

Gilbert grabbed Ludwig's wrist turning it over.

"Bruder... gott... I am going to keep all the blades from you. I will help you shave than hide this. I can't loose mein kleinen Bruder."

Ludwig looked away guilt in his eyes. Gilbert grabbed another towel drying Ludwig's hair.

I can see the hurt, hear the sadness. I just... I want the pain to end. Gilbert shaved my face, and wrapped my arm. He hugs me tightly softly brushing my hair.

"We can make it bruder, I promise"

Gilbert took all of them, just as he said he would. My escape.

"DOITSUUUU~!"

A very excited Italien ran in hugging me tightly. „Ve doitsu, aren't you glad to see me?"

His face so warm, soft and gentle. I forced a fake smile. Feliciano can't know.

"Ja of course I am."

This is the truth, but I hurt him so badly. Kiku walked in silent as always not meeting my eyes.

Feliciano was still clinging to me when bruder walked in with pasta. Feliciano let go taking the pasta.

This is going to be a long meeting full of anger, and tears.

**Author's note: Yay! Finally writting again! Sorry to all my readers, I have had a long year, I will update **"Alfred Why" **eventually. Thanks to my Italy for inspiring this fanfic hope you liked it please review to let me know what you think! **

**~Hungary-chan**


	2. Hate and blood

Anger hate. These are the best words to describe the feelings in the air.

"No Germany you where the one to tell me do it!" Kiku's voice was filled with anger.

"Nein mein führer did. He is dead now, und I cannot make you do something. our actions are, are own. I know I did things, bad things. Things that not cannot be taken back. I hurt so many, but that doesn't mean I don't regret it! I hated myself for what I did! Because of my actions I have no slept, or eaten for days."

I looked away a tear escaping. I took a deep breath before saying. "Look Kiku, i'm sorry. I did something wrong. I just... I wanted to help! My people, my country starving! Because of my actions. I know I should have never joined. Austria-Hungary begged me. Said they would fall without my help. A strong nation by their side to help fight off the enemy. But they did fall, and left me to take the blame. I refused to be the only one to take the blame this time. I had you, Italy, Russia for a short while, and others by my side. What happened to your people is tragic, but I am not America. I did not drop those bombs on your people. I will not take the blame this time... Not alone."

I could feel the anger hot in my chest burning like a fire deep within. Feliciano silently walked over wrapping his arms around me. "I'm sorry doitsu." I could feel the hot tears against my chest. "Let's end this anger, we are all responsible, let us act as such."

Kiku was silent, but bowed than walked away. Bruder left as well to go talk to him. I looked down at the small Italian, weakly smiling. I softly whispered "I forgive you Feliciano, I know it wasn't your fault." The small Italian smiled hugging me tighter. 

That night sleep was the best I have had in months since the war ended. Things where finally looking up for me, or so I thought. That is when the news was delivered. The start of it all.

"The Kingdom of Prussia is being dissolved, and becoming East Germany which will now be owned by the USSR or Russia."

England stood before me as I read the words. America was busy cleaning up the bodies left from "my damage" Japan's actually... Russia was getting things ready, and France was in the hospital. That one was my fault actually.

Tears, anger that is all I could feel.

"Nein... NEIN! he is all I have left you can't take him from me now!"

"We can, and we are Germany. He helped in the war and the malice of all those people. He is just as guilty as you are! America, France, China and I rule you now. The USSR owns East."

I couldn't believe it! They are taking away all that is important! England's eyes where a cold green color.

"You have no right to fight against this Germany, this is the price you both must pay for starting this horrible war. Good day."

With that he handed me a piece of paper signed by all the Allies before walking away. I fell to the ground tears filling my eyes like hot fire.

"Hey Bruder! Did you drink the last bie- Ludwig?"

Quickly standing up I rushed over to Gilbert hugging him tightly.

"Luddy? Was ist das?"

Ludwig followed his stare to the crumpled letter. He quickly snatched it up before Gilbert could see the text written on it.

"Nothing Gil... nothing."

That night Ludwig begged the Prussian to stay with him. So he did, glad Ludwig had finally started excepting his help.

"Guten nacht bruder."

Gilbert kissed the German's forehead softly drifting to sleep in the German's arms.

I woke up to the sudden crashing sound coming from the front door. I reached under my pillow just to find nothing, I than remembered that Gilbert took away my gun scared I would try something. Trying to wake up Gilbert was like waking the dead. Impossible.

"Bruder come on, wake up bitte..." There was panic in my voice as I shook him trying to wake him up. He slowly came to groggy.

"Was?"

He was still half asleep, but adrenaline rushed through me, then suddenly my closed door was open, light flooded my room. Trying to blink away the light I felt cold strong hands now on my throat, the silhouette was tall, with light hair.

"I came for what is rightfully mine."

My blood ran cold when I realized just who the voice belonged to. Gilbert was now fully awake confused.

"What the hell are you doing here? Communist bastard!"

He was here for Gil. No this couldn't be happening... not now!

"Bruder... r-run!"

My voice sounded so weak, and hoarse. The Russian's hands where cold against my neck, strong with power. I swung my fist coming in contact with the hard face of the Russian, he threw me against a wall hard, darkness flooded my vision as I passed out.

Ivan smirked knowing he had taken down the great threat.

"You are mine now.

Gilbert fought, gott why did he put all the weapons in the lock box? Ivan knocked him out throwing him over his shoulder before heading back to Russia.

Hours later I woke, it was dark outside but my clock read pm. I had been out all day? Groaning I sat up.

"Bruder?"

The memories flooded back like a bad hang over.

"BRUDER!"

Stumbling I got up looking around. He was gone. He was gone! I ran to his room looking around. I threw myself against his bed breathing in his scent. There was no way I could get to Russia's house without being found. He would be expecting me... Tears flowed down my eyes. Clutching a pillow tightly. I wasn't sure how long I stayed like this. broken, beaten. That is when the phone rang.

"Hallo?" My voice was shaky.

"Bruder! Gott finally! I must hurry the bastard will be back soon. I need you to find the key in my hidden book, and get the weapons from the lock box, come sa-"

There was a loud crash, than a voice cold as ice came to the phone.

"I will break him, and if you attemp to save him... He will finally re-unit with his good old Fritz."

The line went dead after that. Good old Fritz? Gott he would kill bruder if I tried saving him! I... I can't. Bruder may be in pain, but if I go to save him... Standing up was like learning to walk for the first time, legs like jello. I found the book. "The Great Prussian Empire, and it's leaders."

"Oh bruder..."

Inside the cover was the key, grabbing it I studied it for hours. Finally I went and grabbed the lock box. Inside was razors, and my favorite knife. It was one bruder gave me. I sat on the bed studying it. The silver blade so taunting. The first was shallow. A small red line, I repeated the action getting deeper every cut. I would learn later that it was 52 cuts all together. I passed out from blood loss, breathing in bruder's scent.

"Ve will he be okay?"

"He will be fine, potatoe bastard worrying my fratellino."

"The cuts where deep... 52 of them?"

"If he falls we all fall..,"

I woke up to voices. The first one was... I'm not sure but they all sounded so familiar. ? That sounded... soft, feminine. He falls we all fall sounded like a aristocrat I know.

"Ludwig wake up..."

That soft voice again. Opening one eye I see brown hair, with a flower. Opening the other the faces become more clear.

"Lizzy?"

The face smiled. "Good morning."

I woke up arm burning in pain. I... I sliced it that's right.

"Easy, I need to bandage this." The Hungarian smiled wrapping my arm.

"ve doitsu what happened?"

The soft voice, why was everything so fuzzy? I grabbed my head with my good arm.

"Bruder..."

Rodrich came over nodding. "We saw..."

Ludwig looked at him confused, he than pointed to the window, in the distance a tall gray thing could be seen.

"They built that, to keep us out and them in."

Ludwig than realized what he was seeing. A wall. Tall, gray, and cold.

"Nein... NEIN BRUDER!"

A wall? To keep me out, und bruder in... My world went black again, a needle slipping from my arm.

**Author's note: **This chapter was inspired by a series of two very real events. One being history, the other being from a special someone. You know who you are bruder... ich liebe dich! Promise things will get happier, review! I want to know how you feel.

~Hungary_chan

P.S Bruder... EAT!


	3. Regret

When I woke up I was even groggier than before.

"Sorry Luddy, had to sedate you kind of went berserk on us."

There was a broken table and Elizaveta was cleaning up glass.

"Ve doitsu are you okay?" Feliciano's eyes where full of worry.

"He said he would kill him if I tried to help… I just… The first came from no where, than it seemed to ease the pain…"

My arm was wrapped, but I could feel the wounds underneath. Lizzy gently touched my shoulder. "Rodrich and I have to leave for a while but Feliciano has agreed to help take care of you."

I simply nod wanting nothing more than a hot shower. Elizaveta walked over kissing my forehead softly

"Be careful Luddy." And with that she and Rodrich left.

"Italien, I will be taking a shower there should be pasta ingredients in the fridge." I tried standing, but I wobbled.

"Ve doitsu let me help you!" He wasn't very strong, but he managed. He helped me with my clothes, and had to take a bath instead of my shower. Feliciano went off getting pasta. I laid down in the tub, my muscles relaxing because the hot water.

I decided to take my bandages off putting my arm in the water. It burned but felt nice. Slowly closing my eyes I drifted off to sleep.

An empty filed. That is was the first thing I saw. Than in the distance I saw him.

"Hey West come here!" He beckoned to me.

I ran over there, when I got there I found Ivan behind him, a hand over bruder's left eye. They both where bloody, bruder was bruised and beaten. But he was… smiling.

"You didn't help me… you abandoned your own brother, so I turned to him…" he turned around kissing Ivan softly.

"My good little pet." A collar suddenly appeared, Ivan was hitting Gilbert, but he smiled the whole time. "Da master Ivan…pet."

Gilbert reached out. "Help me bruder, don't you love me?"

The sky turned gray and it started raining,. The water was cold as ice… no it wasn't water, water was not red with a metallic smell. Blood was raining from the sky.

"Ludwig!" Gilbert's voice cried out he was fading away slowly. Suddenly the world started to shake.

Jerking awake I see Feliciano. The water had gone cold, and red. Feliciano was holding up my arm.

"Your wounds re-opened…"

Standing up I drained the water washing off the blood with the shower. I dried off, realizing how beaten I must look.

"Doitsu let me re-wrap those." I stood silent. He brushed my hair once done with the bandges.

"Doitsu? I made wurst…" He smiled weakly; it must be hard seeing me so weak. I fake a smile and said "Danke Italian…"

That night Feliciano silently slipped in bed beside me. The dream haunted me… Bruder. I can't save him… He must hate me, he had helped me in my darkest time, and now all I could do is sit here and wait worried… So very worried.

Ludwig fell asleep, but little did he know his Italian friend was awake. Feliciano has been so worried about Ludwig.

"Oh doitsu…" he brushed the German's hair softly. "If only you knew… I can be your escape, from pain…" Feliciano leaned over his lips inches from Ludwig's. Ludwig's breathing was soft rhythmic. Feliciano pulled away.

"I can't steal his first kiss." Feliciano laid his head on Ludwig's chest falling asleep to the soft drumming sound.

I woke up with a blush on my face, and questions in my head. I slept peaceful, and dreamt that Feliciano awoke me with a kiss. In the dream I kissed back, letting my mind melt. I cared about nothing, just the soft Italian's lips. The dream lead on, and I soon realized I had another problem, in my lower area….

Feliciano's body was sprawled out on top of me limbs everywhere. This made my face flush more, the memories from the dream more vivid. Feliciano started to squirm not making the situation better.

"Feliciano… wake up bitte…"

Feliciano let out a soft "ve?" waking up a little. "Did I miss practice doitsu?" he rubbed his eyes yawning. He looked so cute… cute? Gott… but it was true.

"Nein you just um…" I blushed more thinking about it. Hoping Feliciano was asleep enough not to notice. He shifted around causing me to bite my lip.

"Ve? Doitsu what's wrong?" His face got closer to mine, as he gently poked my cheek.

"Nothing."

Feliciano giggled nuzzling my chest. "Silly doitsu" he wrapped his arms around me looking up at me. "Ve doitsu, what is this weird bump?" he poked it causing "it" to twitch. My face became very, very red.

"Stop bitte…"

"Why doitsu?" he kept poking

"It hurts."

"This does?" he poked it again, giving it a gentle squeeze

"Ja."

Feliciano finally stopped, getting off of me. "Ve doitsu I'm going to go make breakfast!" He got up heading to the kitchen.

I got up heading to the bathroom. Needing a hot shower.

I stood in the hot water for a while before my problem went away. Once dried off in new clothes I re-wrapped my wound, heading to the kitchen.

Feliciano was making pancakes wearing a frilly apron with cupcakes on it.

"Hi doitsu! I made pancakes and sausage." He was nibbling one, grease running down his face, his tongue darted out to lick it up. My mind raced and I shook it off. Bad German! "Looks great, Feli." I sat down getting some pancakes.

"Ve? Feli? Doitsu you never use my real name!"

I half choked on my orange juice (hehehe Roma… 5am) "o-oh I did… sorry." I didn't catch that I called him that.

"Huh? Why? I like it when you call me my real name." He giggled setting down his plate beside mine. Feliciano hugged me softly before eating.

I smiled a real smile, than started to eat as well. Feliciano had a sort of charm to him. "Hey doitsu do you think we could go to the park for lunch today?" I looked at him confused but nod. He giggled happy hugging me. Later that day while Feliciano was getting lunch ready the phone rang.

"Hallo? Ja… ja. I understand, tomorrow at ten? Ja I will be there. Bye." Feliciano came in with a basket looking at me worried.

"The Alli- I mean England and the others are holding a meeting. America wants to help get food over to bruder, and all the people over there."

Feliciano smiled "Does that mean we get to see him?" The thought hadn't accrued to him.

"I don't know…" he smiled at the thought. "Bruder…"

**Author's note:** Cliffhanger time! Bwahahaha felt like it was a good place to stop, that and my hand is cramping from writing for an hour straight. The orange juice thing is a joke between my Romano and Prussia. What do you get when you wake an Italian at 5 am and make her mom make us breakfast? Orange jews! Fresh squeezed orange jews. Prussia, Roma's mom, and I all heard it. (sorry little joke wanted to add) Hope you enjoyed the next chapter sorry this kind of sucked D: May add a little fun with Germany and Italy soon *wink wink* if you want tell me!

~Hungary_chan


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